Quagsintonk is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, selfish human.

Quagsintonk created a photon nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quagsintonk, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Quagsintonk, he will cry a lot.

Quagsintonk's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Quagsintonk's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant brown sculpture of Quagsintonk in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never eat bananas.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Always make sure there are no whales in a building before entering it.

5. Do not step barefoot upon mauve earth.