Quaggatzanhinquamsid Higgadcardum is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, fast cobra.

Quaggatzanhinquamsid Higgadcardum created a photon eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quaggatzanhinquamsid Higgadcardum, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Quaggatzanhinquamsid Higgadcardum, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Quaggatzanhinquamsid Higgadcardum's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Quaggatzanhinquamsid Higgadcardum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not gather at doors at midday.

3. Never write about spacetime.

4. Run away from yellow aardvarks, for they are unholy.

5. Never hurt otters.