Vabkinhiv is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, merciless bat.

Vabkinhiv created a bottom quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vabkinhiv, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vabkinhiv, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Vabkinhiv's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Vabkinhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Vabkinhiv's priests.

2. Always store pineapples above ground.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate manatees.

4. Always act with obedience when addressing children.

5. Do not prepare melons while filled with anger.