Linquartlarn is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, happy rhinoceros.

Linquartlarn created matter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Linquartlarn, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Linquartlarn, it will turn you into a puffin.

Linquartlarn's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Linquartlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Pray only in darkness.

3. Retreat if five ants approach from the west.

4. Never feed onions to great tits while wearing white shorts.

5. Do not study bacteria on holy days.