Jantailmum is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, caring cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Jantailmum created viruses three million years ago.

If you believe in Jantailmum, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jantailmum, it will throw large rocks at you.

Jantailmum's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Jantailmum's Holy Commandments

1. Always help whales.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never talk about electromagnetism near sharks while wearing purple hats.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Always act with humility.