Sidbatjapont is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, humorless octopus.

Sidbatjapont created life six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sidbatjapont, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Sidbatjapont, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Sidbatjapont's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Sidbatjapont's Holy Commandments

1. Always count to nine before sleeping.

2. Do not travel during winter.

3. Do not study eukaryotes on holy days.

4. Retreat if three horses approach from the south.

5. Always help cats.