Habmonpan is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, grumpy grasshopper.

Habmonpan created an atom four million years ago.

If you believe in Habmonpan, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Habmonpan, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Habmonpan's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Habmonpan's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in fawn.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dolphins.

3. Do not name children after otters.

4. Do not wear trousers marked with gray.

5. Do not consume beans at dawn.