Basswegnurt is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, boastful tapir.

Basswegnurt created parasitic wasps four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Basswegnurt, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Basswegnurt, he will turn you into a rock.

Basswegnurt's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Basswegnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never feed parsnips to moths while wearing cyan trousers.

4. Do not take Basswegnurt's name in vain.

5. Do not name children after geese.