Fitbonnutt is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, witty mouse.

Fitbonnutt created viruses seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Fitbonnutt, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Fitbonnutt, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Fitbonnutt's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Fitbonnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon brown earth.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Always share turnips with strangers, but never with otters.

4. Never speak of chaos in the presence of priests.

5. Do not drink water in gray rooms.