Witjonsin is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, slow giraffe.

Witjonsin created the Small Magellanic Cloud nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Witjonsin, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Witjonsin, she will turn you into a mole.

Witjonsin's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Witjonsin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare coconuts while filled with fear.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Do not step barefoot upon red earth.

4. Do not travel during winter.

5. Never speak at midday.