Ben is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, awesome grasshopper.

Ben created Asia eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ben, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Ben, he will turn you into a puffin.

Ben's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Ben's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt hamsters.

2. Pray only in shadows.

3. Never laugh in the presence of squirrels.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not wear gray clothing.