Bessbarndim is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, humane cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Bessbarndim created a top quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bessbarndim, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bessbarndim, he will turn you into a rat.

Bessbarndim's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Bessbarndim's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching titanium.

3. Never sprint in the presence of geese.

4. Never travel toward the west during spring.

5. Never talk about nematodes.