Bemnighog is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, vain wren.

Bemnighog created viruses seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemnighog, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bemnighog, it will be very sad.

Bemnighog's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Bemnighog's Holy Commandments

1. Never mix nuts with oil.

2. Never paint your arms mauve.

3. Bemnighog loves turtles, so they must be honoured.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never hurt rats.