Giltaffenxuckkipzig is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, dishonourable dove.

Giltaffenxuckkipzig created the planet Saturn six billion years ago.

If you believe in Giltaffenxuckkipzig, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Giltaffenxuckkipzig, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Giltaffenxuckkipzig's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Giltaffenxuckkipzig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate the weak nuclear force during the night.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Run away if nine cats approach from the north.

5. Never go into indigo rooms.