Tikxinjad is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, moody donkey.

Tikxinjad created life six million years ago.

If you believe in Tikxinjad, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Tikxinjad, he will jump up and down on your head.

Tikxinjad's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Tikxinjad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory near sheep while wearing cyan kilts and balancing five zinc spheres on your hands.

3. Never point your feet toward the south during prayer.

4. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

5. Never chant while facing north.