Sitbamweg is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, unthinking manatee.

Sitbamweg created vertebrates three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sitbamweg, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Sitbamweg, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Sitbamweg's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Sitbamweg's Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with anger.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Sitbamweg.

4. Never think ill of sick voles.

5. Tortoises are not to be trusted.