Yakpoghun is a god.

He takes the form of a large, annoying penguin.

Yakpoghun created viruses three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yakpoghun, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Yakpoghun, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Yakpoghun's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Yakpoghun's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never tolerate songs in holy places.

4. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Yakpoghun in the centre of the settlement.

5. Retreat if five dogs approach from the east.