Cemkemvab is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, compassionate capybara.

Cemkemvab created matter twelve years ago.

If you believe in Cemkemvab, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Cemkemvab, he will turn you into a hamster.

Cemkemvab's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Cemkemvab's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

2. Always store tomatoes above ground.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never speak the names of planets aloud.

5. Never speak aloud of secrets.