Garquatgep Quafbinnilhimyik is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, generous fly.

Garquatgep Quafbinnilhimyik created the Sun three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Garquatgep Quafbinnilhimyik, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Garquatgep Quafbinnilhimyik, he will boil you in a big pot.

Garquatgep Quafbinnilhimyik's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Garquatgep Quafbinnilhimyik's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never sit in the presence of elders.

4. Never discuss archaea in public assemblies.

5. Never adorn your legs with black markings.