Muttomtam is a god.

She takes the form of a large, moody penguin.

Muttomtam created tapeworms four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Muttomtam, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Muttomtam, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Muttomtam's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Muttomtam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics near tapirs while wearing black shorts.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Remain prostrate during prayer.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Feed all hungry turtles.