Nellbagtam is a god.

It takes the form of a small, humane cow.

Nellbagtam created dark energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Nellbagtam, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Nellbagtam, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Nellbagtam's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Nellbagtam's Holy Commandments

1. Never run near doves.

2. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

3. Do not resist fate.

4. Pray only in firelight.

5. Never feed lots of parsnips to snakes while wearing purple stockings.