Zagtunxen is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, resourceful ferret.

Zagtunxen created dark energy four million years ago.

If you believe in Zagtunxen, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Zagtunxen, she will turn you into a slug.

Zagtunxen's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Zagtunxen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cell theory.

2. Never talk about special relativity near nematodes while wearing turquoise scarves.

3. Never think about galaxies.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Always treat aardvarks with great respect.