Figgebnig is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, thoughtless walrus.

Figgebnig created the planet Jupiter two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Figgebnig, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Figgebnig, it will manifest in front of you.

Figgebnig's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Figgebnig's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Frogs are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not fashion tools from aluminium.

5. Never talk about fluid mechanics near foxes while wearing blue ear rings and balancing nine lead spheres on your hands.