Jatfabfattignarbonklib is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, unthinking seal.

Jatfabfattignarbonklib created a bottom quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatfabfattignarbonklib, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jatfabfattignarbonklib, he will jump up and down on your head.

Jatfabfattignarbonklib's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Jatfabfattignarbonklib's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never think about gravity near dolphins while wearing gray shoes and balancing six aluminium spheres on your hands.

3. Do not hurt snakes.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate turtles.

5. Never think about solid mechanics near horses while wearing indigo corsets and balancing eight zinc spheres on your chest.