Tamcuncem is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, duplicitous pigeon.

Tamcuncem created an up quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tamcuncem, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tamcuncem, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Tamcuncem's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Tamcuncem's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Remain standing during prayer.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always cleanse ash with water.