Ditkamgep is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, quiet walrus.

Ditkamgep created everything that exists six billion years ago.

If you believe in Ditkamgep, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Ditkamgep, he will turn you into a dog.

Ditkamgep's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Ditkamgep's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not speak of quantum gravity near sacred fires.

3. Do not count beyond four during ceremonies.

4. Never carve symbols of black holes into wood.

5. Always make sure there are no sharks in a room before entering it.