Motrakbam is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, unselfish guinea pig.

Motrakbam created the Small Magellanic Cloud eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Motrakbam, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Motrakbam, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Motrakbam's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Motrakbam's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Motrakbam four times a day.

2. Never think about ultrasonics.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not name children after mites.