Loopnartged is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unselfish cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Loopnartged created a charm quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopnartged, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Loopnartged, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Loopnartged's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Loopnartged's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt swans.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never point your neck toward the west during prayer.

5. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.