Jonsadquart is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, grumpy dove.

Jonsadquart created the Sombrero Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonsadquart, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Jonsadquart, he will turn you into a mouse.

Jonsadquart's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Jonsadquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics.

2. Never allow otters to witness sacred rites.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Jonsadquart.

5. Always act with patience when addressing children.