Quamfitlarnpitdam is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, prudent snail.

Quamfitlarnpitdam created vertebrates three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quamfitlarnpitdam, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quamfitlarnpitdam, he will destroy your home planet.

Quamfitlarnpitdam's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Quamfitlarnpitdam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never write about comets.

3. Do not name children after bats.

4. Never think about solid mechanics near ducks while wearing black rings and balancing three platinum spheres on your feet.

5. Always act with humility.