Pakvonwig is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, sapient toad.

Pakvonwig created a photon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Pakvonwig, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Pakvonwig, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Pakvonwig's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Pakvonwig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare turnips while filled with fear.

2. Never speak of balance in the presence of priests.

3. Never wear mauve jumpers.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Pray only in firelight.