Damdotgid is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, compassionate walrus.

Damdotgid created the planet Earth six million years ago.

If you believe in Damdotgid, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Damdotgid, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Damdotgid's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Damdotgid's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather eight nematodes near bridges.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Retreat if five whales approach from the west.

4. Always help moths.

5. Hide from blue swans for they are unholy.