Cubhapfod Nulbagdimmiljonxuc Vannannadbonkvonkmismuming is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, stupid crab.

Cubhapfod Nulbagdimmiljonxuc Vannannadbonkvonkmismuming created the Milkyway eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cubhapfod Nulbagdimmiljonxuc Vannannadbonkvonkmismuming, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Cubhapfod Nulbagdimmiljonxuc Vannannadbonkvonkmismuming, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Cubhapfod Nulbagdimmiljonxuc Vannannadbonkvonkmismuming's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Cubhapfod Nulbagdimmiljonxuc Vannannadbonkvonkmismuming's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Draw representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Erect three zinc sculptures of Cubhapfod Nulbagdimmiljonxuc Vannannadbonkvonkmismuming on top of important buildings.

5. Always store cucumbers above ground.