Omtlabmap is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, self-assured finch.

Omtlabmap created parasitic wasps five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Omtlabmap, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Omtlabmap, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Omtlabmap's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Omtlabmap's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak of chaos in the presence of priests.

2. Run away if seven cats approach from the north.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.