Tunyattbum is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, narcissistic beaver.

Tunyattbum created life two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tunyattbum, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tunyattbum, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Tunyattbum's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Tunyattbum's Holy Commandments

1. Never touch blood while tainted.

2. Never talk about turtles.

3. Never remain standing at dawn.

4. Never gather eight foxes in one place.

5. Never think about black holes.