Vonshavniggep is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, omniscient dryad.

Vonshavniggep created an up quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonshavniggep, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Vonshavniggep, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Vonshavniggep's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Vonshavniggep's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove shirts before touching nickel.

2. Never adorn your head with black markings.

3. Never prepare spinach during summer.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never look in ponds.