Xemcenvid is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, ruthless naga.

Xemcenvid created dark matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Xemcenvid, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Xemcenvid, it will curse you with boils.

Xemcenvid's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Xemcenvid's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant pink sculpture of Xemcenvid in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never paint your legs black.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching platinum.

5. Do not hop in public.