Nardumdum is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, humorless snail.

Nardumdum created a quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nardumdum, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nardumdum, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Nardumdum's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Nardumdum's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick grasshopers.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.

4. Never pray while filled with fear.

5. Do not resist fate.