Veentunbonratjapbangep is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, uncaring mongoose.

Veentunbonratjapbangep created dark matter four years ago.

If you believe in Veentunbonratjapbangep, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Veentunbonratjapbangep, he will turn you into a duck.

Veentunbonratjapbangep's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Veentunbonratjapbangep's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your neck toward the south during prayer.

2. Always remove trousers before touching silver.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near great tits while wearing gray rings.

4. Never gather five eagles in one place.

5. Put Veentunbonratjapbangep first in all things.