Hadbetvid is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, flying monkey.

Hadbetvid created Africa nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hadbetvid, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hadbetvid, she will think nothing of it.

Hadbetvid's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Hadbetvid's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never allow snakes to witness sacred rites.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Moths are not to be trusted.

5. Never wear scarves.