Figsakloop is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, duplicitous lion.

Figsakloop created Europe three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Figsakloop, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Figsakloop, he will turn you into a rat.

Figsakloop's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Figsakloop's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in holy places.

2. Never think about bacteria.

3. Never eat turnips.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never gather nine manatees in one place.