Jipgabbet Batkapneg is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, unthoughtful turtle.

Jipgabbet Batkapneg created the planet Saturn two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jipgabbet Batkapneg, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Jipgabbet Batkapneg, she will destroy your home planet.

Jipgabbet Batkapneg's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Jipgabbet Batkapneg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate fluid mechanics during the night.

2. Never record numbers.

3. Do not eat cucumbers.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never remain kneeling at midnight.