Flabquaflarptan is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, sapient fairy.

Flabquaflarptan created parasitic wasps three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flabquaflarptan, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Flabquaflarptan, she will turn you into a frog.

Flabquaflarptan's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Flabquaflarptan's Holy Commandments

1. Always share melons with strangers, but never with sharks.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ants.

3. Do not kill foxes.

4. Do not prepare bread while wearing dresses.

5. Do not name children after squirrels.