Quamyakyak is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, duplicitous bird.

Quamyakyak created the Small Magellanic Cloud eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quamyakyak, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quamyakyak, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Quamyakyak's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Quamyakyak's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always help sick sheep.

4. Do not travel during winter.

5. Never talk about fire.