Fidfenteenfagflamxuc is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, all-knowing porpoise.

Fidfenteenfagflamxuc created tapeworms seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fidfenteenfagflamxuc, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fidfenteenfagflamxuc, she will turn you into a worm.

Fidfenteenfagflamxuc's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Fidfenteenfagflamxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat peas.

2. Do not travel during winter.

3. Always remove boots before touching titanium.

4. Never laugh near turtles.

5. Always treat swans with great respect.