Gig Bumwegsand is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, witty cat.

Gig Bumwegsand created humankind six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gig Bumwegsand, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gig Bumwegsand, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Gig Bumwegsand's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Gig Bumwegsand's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never sprint in holy places.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Always remove shoes before touching iron.

5. Do not step barefoot upon yellow earth.