Tonlopjen is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, intelligent weasel.

Tonlopjen created Mount Everest five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonlopjen, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tonlopjen, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Tonlopjen's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Tonlopjen's Holy Commandments

1. Never curse while facing south.

2. Never speak at midday.

3. You must pray to Tonlopjen four times a day.

4. Feed all hungry hamsters.

5. Do not eat carrots.