Vedgomcunfas is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, duplicitous jaguar.

Vedgomcunfas created Asia nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vedgomcunfas, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vedgomcunfas, it will not care at all.

Vedgomcunfas' most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Vedgomcunfas' Holy Commandments

1. Always remove hats before touching lead.

2. You must never eat onions.

3. Always store turnips above ground.

4. Never eat apples on days of mourning.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.