Lamtipgan is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, clever meerkat.

Lamtipgan created humankind five billion years ago.

If you believe in Lamtipgan, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Lamtipgan, she will turn you into a plant.

Lamtipgan's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Lamtipgan's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Hide if seven whales approach from the west.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.