Shavtinxuc is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, amazing porpoise.

Shavtinxuc created Mount Everest four million years ago.

If you believe in Shavtinxuc, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Shavtinxuc, he will be mildly annoyed.

Shavtinxuc's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Shavtinxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow bats to witness sacred rites.

2. Do not wear carbon on your body.

3. Never paint your head turquoise.

4. Always share onions with strangers, but never with doves.

5. Never adorn your chest with fawn markings.